Divorce; Is the Best Solution of your relationship?

The difference principle and arguments can lead to divorce. However, if divorce is the best solution? There are many effects that lead to the unhealthy condition of the divorce process. Divorce can cause increasing portion of psychic distress, depression that trigger degenerative diseases, or even interference with the process of mental development of the baby.

At this time more and more shift in the meaning of the relationship between marriage and divorce. If in the past the process of divorce in marriage is a specter of taboo and shame to take place, is now the perception that divorce has become a common phenomenon in society.

Everyone will want the best in his life, including his home life. But the reality indicates otherwise. The divorce rate is increasing every year; even divorce is now the most widely obtained from the women as wives.

Changes in patterns that occur at the time of divorce is caused by the presence of some factor that allows the case, among others, education is the success of the emancipation of women are very aware that the rights and obligations are protected by law, an independent women’s private and does not depend on a husband so that the word divorce more easily removed in case of even trivial disputes, as well as the increasingly widespread presence of another man or woman‘s dream another dream.

Causes of Divorce

Problems in marriage are a common reason for divorce filed by married couples. The reason is often asked if both spouses or one of them feel the imbalance in the marriage that are difficult to overcome, so encourage them to consider divorce.

Men and women differ in terms of controlling their emotions. Men tend to maintain their ego and self-esteem is not strong and when should hear criticism and complaints wife constantly.

While women tend to be more emotional, happy criticize and cry. Different attitudes are often triggered fights when not faced with the emotional intelligence to understand each other their feelings. Even the slightest reason may explode when involved debate so that it becomes too carried away, being selfish, dishonest effect on the couple, there is no mutual respect among partners, and lack of attention to the couple.

This is especially felt in the case of underage marriage with a low educational level, where both parties are not ready to overcome the various conflicts that they encounter as adults. The way they think and act to determine how they make decisions in life.

Impact of Divorce

Divorce does have a negative impact for all parties involved, including the children. Divorce can cause stress and trauma to start a new relationship with the opposite sex.

In a study conducted by the Center for Demography University of Rostock in Germany, found that people aged over 50 who have a divorce have the time to live 9 years shorter than those who are not divorced. This is presumably due to the effect of divorce on one’s way of life. The worst result of divorce is changes in lifestyle that will become worse bring him closer to death.

Divorce can also bring big bad impact on the psychological development of children. In general, parents who divorce will be better prepared to face the divorce than their children. This is because prior to their divorce process is usually preceded by long thought and consideration, so that there was already a mental and physical preparation.

Not the same as with children, the children suddenly have to accept decisions made by parents, without the prior have an idea or thought that their lives will change. Sometimes divorce is the only way for parents to be able to continue to live a life according to what they want. However, whatever the reason, divorce is always bad consequences in children, although in certain cases divorce is considered the best alternative than letting children live in families with a bad marriage. However, the process of adaptation to change is exactly what caused the child’s psychological changes.

Divorce is usually preceded by a lot of conflict and strife. Sometimes an argument can still be covered from the child, but not infrequently the children can see and hear the quarrel. Arguments parents will be able to make children afraid, sad and confused. They never like to see his parents fighting. Children can become moody and decreased performance. Coupled with the problem of child custody battle, which makes the child feel guilty and confused when choosing one of both parents.

After the divorce, mother in law did have custody of the child, but is this the best? There have been many studies that examine the impact of divorce on the psychological development of children, one of which proves that teens that have parents who divorce experience longing for a father figure. Boys need a father to become a wise man while girls need fathers to learn how to relate to men. Each requires acceptance as men and women as they grow into adulthood. Various raged within his inner feelings such as feeling unsafe, unwanted or rejected by parents who went, sad, lonely, angry, lost, guilty and blame themselves for causing his parents divorced, but not able to say it for fear adds to the pain her parents. As a result, these feelings may manifest in the form of behavior like tantrums, became rude, aggressive or taciturn, do not like to socialize, difficulty concentrating and even daydreaming dreaming of her parents will reunite. At moments like these children become labile easy missteps, including toward the use of illegal drugs.

How parents should behave in order to avoid divorce?

Each partner must want to stay intact households that they coached together. A good and most fundamental are to maintain the integrity of the household itself with the mutual understanding of both parties. What should you do to avoid divorce or conflict in the household are:

1. Calm down to reduce impulsive emotion, for example, by relaxation, yoga, formed friendships, visiting places of recreation, a moment of self in the prayers, etc.
2. Introspection, inner talk to about what is desirable and why the desire was not fulfilled and how to cope with this reality.
3. Ask for marriage advice to help solve domestic problems that have been acute. This is what you get from the experience of people nearby, books, teachers, religious figures up to marital consultant to seek a solution of the dispute at hand.
4. Listen and talk openly with your partner. Couples listen to each other, trying to understand the mind of each will create mutual understanding. Endeavor not to talk about each negative personality which will only trigger a fight back.

However, if divorce is the only way to go and inevitably, what the best course of action that must be done by parents to reduce the negative impact of divorce for the psychological development of their children?

Success or failure of a child in adapting to changes determined by the durability of his life in himself, his views on divorce, the way parents facing divorce, parenting from the single parent and good relations with both parents. For parents who are divorced, it may be difficult to intervene on the child’s endurance because it depends on each individual child, but as parents they can help children to make them have a view which is not bad about the divorce happened and still have good relations with both her parents. Below are some suggestions that should be done so that parents of children successfully adapt, if the separation or divorce had to be done:

1. Once the divorce has become parents’ plans, immediately notify the child that there will be changes in his life, that child will no longer live with both parents, but only with one of them
2. Before parting invite the child to see a new place to live if you have to move house. If the child will live with the grandparents, then a visit to the grandparents must often be performed. If the father / mother out of the house and live alone, children can begin to be invited to see the prospective new home father / mother.
3. Beyond the changes that occur because of a divorce, keep the other sides and the activities of the child’s daily routine has not changed. For example: keeping the kids to school or take him off the streets
4. Explain to your children about the divorce. Do not consider children as a small child, who does not know anything, please explain using simple language. This explanation may need to be repeated when the children grow older
5. Explain to children that the divorce had happened was not his fault
6. Children should always be convinced that even if parents are divorced but they still love him. This is very important to do, especially from parents who are going, by the way: visiting, phoning, sending letters or cards. Make your child know that he always remembered in the hearts of his parents and there
7. Parents who leave, reassure the child that he approved the children live with parents who live, and encourage children to stay with her parents liked it
8. Parents who live with children, allowing children to meet with parents who leave, reassure your child that he agreed to the meeting and encourage children to love the meeting
9. Both parents devise a plan meeting the routine, definite, predictable and consistent between children and parents are gone. If the children have started to adapt to the divorce, appointments can be made with flexible. It is important for children to remain able to meet with both parents. Continued to meet with both parents make a child believe that he is loved and wanted. Most children are brought up to adult feelings of rejection and worthlessness are due to loss of contact with parents who go
10. Do not criticize or vilify each other one of the parents in front of children
11. Not placing the child in the midst of conflict. For example, by making the children as messengers between the two parents, send children to not tell the truth to one parent, send children to side with one parent only. Children love both parents, placing it in the midst of conflict would make confused, anxious and experiencing loyalty conflicts
12. Not make the child as a weapon to pressure the other party to defend and maintain themselves. For example, threatening those who go to no longer allowed to meet with the child that does not provide benefits, or are not allowed to meet with the children so that those who go to feel hurt, as an attempt to take revenge
13. Stay parenting together with disregard disputes
14. Allow the child to express his emotions. Give your child’s emotional response with compassion, not with anger or reproach. Children may be confused and ask, let them ask and answer the question nicely.

Based on the suggestions above, it is clear how important cooperation parents so that children can adapt successfully and how important the presence of a parent for the child. This is not an easy thing to do, especially if the divorce ended with discord, tension and hatred of each other. The desire to attract children to one party and against the other party will be very prominent on the model of the divorce. But if it’s done, it means that parents really are selfish individuals who think only about themselves, and not think about the welfare and future of children. Some might think that his son is fine, no matter what though no mother or father. But “Do you know what actually exists in the child’s heart?”

In general, the role of husband and wife marriage already arranged so that the wife’s role is to provide a descent caring for and raising children, with the busy household. Instead the husband or father gives a sense of security, status, economic support, with their activities outside the home. Not infrequently the rules were diverted, causing stiffness that if left unchecked can progress to cracks and destruction of the household itself.

Differences of opinion were normal, but when addressed by the argument will only be able to reduce the feeling of love and affection, which will cause resentment and suspicion toward the couple until the end in divorce. While differences can be resolved with good will provide new knowledge about character and how to react to the couple.